


The Truth Behind The Curse

by dreamerforeverd



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 18:06:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerforeverd/pseuds/dreamerforeverd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma discovers what really happened before Regina cast the curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth Behind The Curse

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of it's characters.
> 
> I've been with this one-shot in my inbox for sooo long. Just a little Crack fic. I don't consider myself funny so I'm sorry if this is stupid.
> 
> Anyway, Let me know what you think. :)

The truth behind the curse.

Emma and Regina had been living together for almost a month now. After Regina saved her and Snow at the well, Emma finally realized that all the hatred and fights with Regina wouldn't get them anywhere. Emma admitted to herself she felt something strong for Regina that was not hate, and decided to ask her out. She was surprised when Regina said 'yes' to their date. After almost six months of dating, Regina asked Emma to move in with her and Henry. He was super happy to see his moms finally together. Now they were living happily in the white mansion. Well, as happily as they could. Regina was having one of those days and Emma was about to freak out. In the months they had dated Regina was always in a good mood, always loving and patient, but now?

"Emma!" Regina yelled from the top of the stairs.

"Yes, baby." Emma said as softly as possible to not wanting to infuriate her girlfriend even more.

"Don't 'baby' me. Can't you do anything right for once?!" Regina said, coming down the stairs with a bunch of clothes in her arms. Emma's clothes.

 _Uh oh_  - Emma thought.

"You are worse than Henry. What's so difficult about putting your damn clothes in the washing machine?! Nothing! But you still aren't able to do it. You are useless!" Regina said. She was yelling in Emma's face now.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Emma said, putting a hand on Regina's arm. "Look, sit a little bit and relax." The blonde said with a small smile.

"Don't touch me right now!" Regina said and sat on the couch.

"Look, you know I love you, right?" Regina just let out an irritated sigh, not looking at Emma. "I know this time of the month is hard for you, but you've got to calm down. You are scaring me."

"You are pissing me off really badly today, Miss Swan. The last time that happened at this time of the month I cursed an entire realm, so don't mess with me today!" Regina said with an evil glare towards the blonde.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make you ma- Wait, did you just say 'cursed an entire realm?'" Emma said with wide eyes.

"Really, Miss Swan. You think this is bad? Let me tell you a little story." Regina said and started telling her the truth behind the curse.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Ugh! I'm so fat!" Regina said, irritated.

Sidney appeared in one of the mirrors close to the Queen and said, "My Queen, Snow White will have her baby in just a few days it seems. And if you allow me to say, your body is perfect, Your Highness."

"Oh, shut up! Can you stop kissing my ass for one second?! Grow some balls! Oh, wait. You can't. Because you were stupid enough to get yourself trapped in a mirror forever." Regina let out an evil laugh. "They should call you genius, because you are oh so smart!" Regina said, still laughing at her own joke.  
"Your Majesty!" Claude, one of the Evil Queen's guards, entered the room. "Everything is ready for the battle against the white kingdom." Claude said with a low bow.

"Great! Thanks Claude." She said smiling wickedly at him. He bowed again and turned to leave.

"Claude?" Regina called him before he reached the door.

"Yes, Your Highness?" The man turned around to look at his queen.

"Claude, do you think this dress make me look fat?" Regina asked the man.

The guard swallowed hard and looked at the mirror where Sidney was shaking his head 'no'.

"No, your majesty. You look wonderful. It is really tight, but still wonderful." He said with a small smile.

Sidney closed his eyes.  _Oh, well. She will kill him, not me_.- he thought.

"WHAT? What do you mean with 'is really tight'? Are you calling me fat?" She yelled at him. The man was terrified. He always feared her but today was different; she looked more evil than ever. He couldn't say anything. "Answer me!" The queen yelled again. He finally found his voice and tried to speak, "I'm sor-"

"SHUT UP!" She waved her hand towards him and he was engulfed by purple smoke. "Get the hell out of here!" The purple smoke disappeared and what once was a man, was now a big fat pig that ran as fast as his fat legs could take him. "Who is the fat one now?" Regina said, smirking.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You turned a man into a pig just because you thought he was calling you fat? Jeez, Gina. This is cra-" Emma stopped when Regina looked at her like she was going to kill the blonde if she finished her sentence. Emma swallowed, "I mean, totally understandable. How dare he call my baby Gina fat when she is so perfect and beautiful?" Emma said with a baby voice, leaning in to give Regina a kiss.

"Oh, darling, you are not going to get away that easy." Regina said, putting her hand on Emma's face and pushing her back to her place on the couch. "Now, shut up and let me continue. The next day I went to Snow's castle to give her a last chance to surrender and give me her kingdom, but she..."

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Hello, dear. Missed me?" Regina said with a smirk. She was wearing a blue, very tight dress that showed all of her beautiful curves.

Snow jumped from the chair she was sitting and looked at Regina. "What do you want Regina?"

"Oh, I'm just giving a last chance before my army destroys your kingdom. Give it to me, and no harm will befall your precious little daughter." Regina said the last words with disgust.

"You can try all you want, Regina. But love will always win." Snow said with pride.

"Ha! That is bullshit, and you know it." Regina said with a laugh.

Regina moved closer to Snow. The young girl tilted her head to get a better look at her former stepmother's dress. Regina noticed Snow looking at her and smirked.

"Why do you have always to wear these tight dresses?" Snow said with a frown.

"What?!" The smirk disappeared from the Queen's face.

"I mean, this is really tight Regina. If you bend over the dress will probably pop open." Snow said matter-of-factly.

"What the hell is wrong with people today?! Why everybody is calling me fat?!" Regina said, throwing her arms up.

"I'm no-" Snow started but Regina interrupted her. "Listen here, Snow White, you look like you ate a watermelon in one bite, so you don't get to talk about me!" Regina said, pointing at Snow's belly.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Snow said, putting a hand on her belly. "It means that you are fatter than an ogre, my dear." Regina said with a smirk.

"At least I'm only fat because I'm pregnant. Unlike other people who happen to be in this room." Snow said, raising an eyebrow.

"I am not fat! It's simply a bad time of the month for me." Regina said looking at the small crib in the nursery.

"Ooo, your PMS-ing. Everything makes sense now. You always get cranky when you get you period. I remember when I was little you got really crazy at this time of the month." Snow said with an understanding smile.

"You insulted me twice in one sentence. Do you have a death wish?!" Regina said, yelling at her.

Snow chuckled, feeling really proud of herself for being able to get under the older woman's skin. She saw her big chance to make Regina freak out. She didn't knew that that would be her worst mistake. "But, really Regina. I didn't know you could have PMS when you are already in menopause." Snow said with an evil smirk.

Regina gasped loudly and put a hand on her chest at the young woman's comment. "You did NOT just call me old! I will destroy your happiness, Snow White!"

"Pretty sure you already said that." Snow said, showing no worry.

"THAT'S IT! I WILL CURSE THIS ENTIRE DAMN KINGDOM!" Regina yelled. She was so furious that her face was actually red and the vein in her forehead was almost jumping out and slapping Snow. "I'M OUT OF HERE!"

With a wave of her hand, purple smoke enveloped Regina and she disappeared again. Snow went wide eyed at the Evil Queen's last words. "What did I do?" With that she went running searching for Charming to tell him what she did.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

"Oh my God, Regina! You cursed a realm because my mom called you old?! Remind me never to do anything to piss you off when you are on your period." Emma said, a little scared, and Regina smirked.

Emma's phone vibrated with a new message. She grabbed it and smiled while reading the text. Regina was looking at her with a raised eyebrow. "Who is it?!"

"Oh, it's just Ruby. She is really silly." Emma said smiling and raising her head to look at Regina. She swallowed nervously when she saw the look on Regina's face. Jealousy.

 _Fuck, I'm screwed._ \- Emma thought.

"Oh, she is really funny, isn't she?" Regina said with a fake smile.

"Hmm, yes?" Emma said a little afraid of the consequences.

"You know what?! Why don't you go there and live with her, since she is so amazing, huh? I'm sure she will be better company than a PMS-ing girlfriend right now." She said in a low tone that made Emma prefer when she was yelling. Suddenly Regina let out a laugh and said, "Oh, and while you are there, why don't you enjoy and sleep with her, if you are not doing already." Regina gasped in realization. She stood up from the couch and started to yell again. "OH MY GOD, YOU ARE ALREADY SLEPPING WITH HER, AREN'T YOU?! IF YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT WAITRESS I WILL END YOU, EMMA SWAN."

Okay, so, Emma didn't like when she was yelling either. Emma's eyes widened and she raised her eyebrows so high that they almost hid in her hair. "WHAT?! NO! Regina, you are not thinking clearly. You know Ruby is only my friend." She put her hands on Regina's waist and gave a light squeeze. "You know I would never cheat on you." She stood up too and looked in her girlfriend's chocolate eyes. "I love you."

Emma leaned closer and kissed Regina softly. Regina's hands went straight to Emma's messy blonde hair, pulling her close. The kiss was heating, tongues dancing, Emma was squeezing Regina's butt while Regina was sucking on Emma's bottom lip when the doorbell rang. Regina stopped kissing Emma and they both let out an annoyed sigh. "Who the hell is it?!" Regina said.

"It is probably my mom. I invited her for lunch." Emma said apologetically.

"Oh, you invited her for lunch? And this brilliant mind of yours didn't see the need to let me know, I suppose." Regina said and took a step away from Emma. The doorbell rang again and then a soft knock on the door could be heard.

"I'm sorry baby. I forgot." Emma said. -  _Damn, I just screwed things up._ \- She thought.

"I can see that. Go get the damn door, while I make us something to drink." -  _Alcohol for me, that's the only way for me not to kill Snow during lunch._  - Regina thought while going to the kitchen.

Emma answered the door to a smiling Snow. "Hello darling. What took you so long?"

"Oh, Regina was telling me a story, then Ruby sent me a text, Regina freaked out with jealousy, I think is because of her PMS, and we were just making out when you knocked." Emma said, smiling when her mother made a disgusted face.

"Okay, that's too much information... So, I brought spaghetti, I know you love it." Snow said, still smiling.

"Oh, thanks mom. Come on in. Let's sit, Regina will be right here. She is making us some drinks. I will put this on the table." Emma said and went to put the spaghetti on the table.

When she came back to the living room, Snow was already sitting on the couch, her back to the kitchen door and Emma sat in front of her.

"So, what story Regina was telling you?" Snow asked curious.

"Oh, the one about why she cast the curse." Emma said with a small smile.

"The one where I said she was in menopause?" Snow said chuckling at the memory.

"Yes!" Emma was chuckling as well. "But she is on her period again, so don't do that in front of her."

"Okay, I won't." Snow said smiling and then frowned. "Is she still getting her period?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"Well, she is not really 35, you know that, right?! I mean she is almost 80. I thought she would have stopped the whole period thing by now." Snow said innocently, while Emma got a terrified expression on her face and started shaking her head 'no' slowly. Snow heard a gasp coming from behind her, a tray falling and glass shattering. -  _Shit, not again_  - Snow thought.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Regina yelled and walked towards Snow, seeing red. Emma got up and held Regina before she could strangle her mother. "LET ME GO EMMA! I WILL KILL HER, THIS TIME!"

"Baby, calm down!" Emma said, having difficulty holding Regina back.

"CALM DOWN?! SHE JUST CALLED ME OLD AND IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME!"

"Regina, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. It just slipped out of my mouth." Snow said with wide eyes.

"Mom, I think you should go, now!" Emma said, afraid that she could not hold Regina much longer. Snow stormed out of the house as quickly as she could.

"LET.ME.GO." Regina said in a low tone and Emma finally let her go. "I'm done with this shit." Regina said while almost running to the door and yelling like crazy at Snow's small frame. "I'm gonna curse this damn town! AGAIN! You hear me, Snow?! Your ass is mine and there is no savior to help you this time. You know why? Because I'm fucking her!"

"Baby, come inside." Emma said softly, gently pulling on Regina's arm.

"Shut up and go make me a sandwich!" Regina yelled at her and step inside the house again. Emma did just what she was told and disappeared in the kitchen.

For Emma had learned one very important lesson today. Never, EVER, mess with Regina when she is PMS-ing.

_FIN._

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr > dreamerforever-d


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